Sense and Sensibilities

Dumb things I think about sometimes. I'll hear or read something during the course of my day that gets my brain bubbling and today is no exception.

I really dislike the label "ex-" - especially when referring to a person. It always sounds so dismissive, like the person - husband, wife, mother-in-law, whoever - never even existed. It negates them, like they've been XXXed out and don't count. Really offends my sensibilities.

I remember when my first husband and I were newly divorced. Self esteem wasn't at an all time high anyway so perceived slights didn't help. A situation arose where I had reason to come in contact with his employer. He introduced me to the man as "my ex-wife"... Erggggg! That nails-on-the-chalkboard chill ran up my back - I literally got one of those shivers.

Later on, in private, I gave him hell. "Don't you ever call me an 'ex' anything again!," I said. Poor guy was blindsided. "What am I supposed to call you?" sez he. "I don't care," sez me, "your son's mother, your first wife, an old acquaintance... take your pick, but don't you call me 'ex'!!" I think he was duly repentent and I really don't know how he refers to me now, but I don't believe I've heard him say it in my presence again.

And in case you're wondering, I don't refer to him as my "ex". I say my first husband, my son's father, or just use his name. I referred to his mom as my former mother-in-law. I refer to his sister as my friend. Because, that's who they are and were... they're not exes - they're real people who were, and are, an important part of my life and you just don't negate that by labelling them with an "ex".

I dunno, my own little hang-up, I guess. Deep stuff I get into. But that's okay - the whole world can go about referring to people as exes, but that doesn't mean I have to like it and it sure doesn't mean I have to do it. I still think, to paraphrase my granddaughter, "that's wrong, that's just wrong."

And besides that, it's not nice and I am, after all, a nice lady. :-D