"I know for sure that everything in life happens to help us live."
Oprah Winfrey

Wednesday, September 21


It's been an emotional undertaking. One that I wasn't quite prepared for. Not the undertaking, but the emotion that overflowed as I picked through my "stuff." As I've gone through piles and piles and boxes and boxes of stuff, I've come across things I totally forgot I had and others that I knew were there somewhere. Things that I always intended to do something with. I don't know what, but something.

I have a vial of Iraqi sand from Desert Storm in 1991. My niece's husband brought it back for me. I also have a packet of Saudi Arabian sand somewhere too but I haven't come across it yet. A childhood friend of my son brought it back for me. I planned to make a shadow box with mementos from the men I knew who served in that war. But now I threw their letters away. So what am I going to do with the stupid sand?

I feel like I've thrown my life away and nobody will ever know that I had a life outside of the one I live now. That I had a past. That there were people I loved and who loved me back. Isn't that why we save all the stuff we save? To prove to ourselves on some level that we're here and that somebody cares? I mean, look at all those cards and letters and mementos. Hundreds, literally hundreds of cards, letters and notes... from my son, my husband, step-children, grandchildren, siblings, friends, old boyfriends, co-workers... and on and on and on. I never looked at the stuff... once in a blue moon maybe. But somehow, just knowing it was there gave me... what, comfort? I don't know.

We just don't have room for all of this paper. We keep moving it from one spot to another and add more as we go. It's taken over the house. I can't do it anymore. So now it's gone. Most of it anyway. And I sobbed like a baby...


At 9/22/2005 5:47 PM, Blogger kajira said...

Hi there, Marianne! OMG I think you are so LUCKY to have all that stuff!! If I had all my stuff now, it wouldn't fit into my apartment, but I lost all my stuff back in 1995, and it devastated me for years. The thousands of photographs alone still haunt me, not to mention my furniture, my car, my clothes, everything I'd ever owned throughout my life, and kept because I thought it important. ::poof!:: I feel for you though. It is sad to let it all go. Why not scrap it, Marianne? Do you scrap much? I should talk. I have a bunch still from my life in Florida and haven't scrapped that yet, cuz most of it is unshare-able. I think that's why, anyway.

I just wanted you to know that I'm here and I understand, and I'm sorry it made you sad. I hope you get over it easier than I did.

At 9/23/2005 2:51 AM, Blogger me said...

How very sweet, Kajira, thank you.:-)

I can't imagine losing everything like you did, and your precious photos too. How utterly heartbreaking... I'm so, so sorry.

Oh yes, I do scrap and have included many mementos in the nine albums I've done for my son and two I did for my brother.

I'm just a sentimental slob though, and keep every little thing -- it's ridiculous. I've still got plenty for the grandkids though. ;)

Thanks for stopping by, girl. :)

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