Pumpkin poacher

Wow, I guess the economic crisis is hitting closer to home than I realized! Life must be pretty grim for the asswipe who had the audacity to walk up to my porch and steal our pumpkin right off it.

I wouldn't want to wish bad luck on anyone, but in this case I can only hope the perpetrator suffers extreme sharp instrument injury to his or her bodily parts when they go about carving MY pumpkin. I hope it's totally rotten inside and exudes noxious effluence when opened. I hope if they eat it, they develop intense intestinal discomfort and maximum bowel evacuation. Oh, and I hope the tricking Halloween ghosts and goblins have plenty of soap and toilet paper for the windows and house of this miserable excuse of a person. Karma's a bitch.

There. Now I feel better.